I wrote my first song when I finally accepted that a girl I had loved deeply, from afar, for years... was not gonna be my girl. We'd actually gone on runs together, gone on picnics, talked often on the phone... but I'd never been able to tell her how much I loved her.

My sophomore year of college@#$@ I finally accepted all this, and in the mash of feelings... I wrote about letting go of

Maybe

It changed my life. three more years of writting a song each time i fell in love, or broke up, I finally got the hint, and wrote a song about the Abraham and Isaac story, and surrendering that which I most loved to God.

I didn't write again for years, and when I did, it didn't stick. I lost the knack... I ... well everything I tried to write... kept changing.

I remember trying to accept that. it was about a month before my whole life blew up. I sat there and said... 'maybe i can just keep on singing...'

well my life blew up, and when i came down, I was all alone, but I kept singing. and singing and singing.

ten years later, i sing. I sing and sing. its differnt every time i get better and better at it, and I've only been able to write about four songs over the years... since this change. And they don't WANt to be played very often.

I remember falling in love with the vibratinos. It was like an angel love story, and they seemed to insist... that i let them go. So I learned how to let beauty in, and release it, and let it come back... if it wanted to.

FLOW

There is this old spiritual idea of 'seeking' for god, for divinity, for purpose... for... meaning...

I don't buy it.

All is within us. isn't that what all the great hippie seekers FOUND?!@#

So we either trust them, or we repeat their journey, and mistakes. Now I real-eyes there is a mgic in replicating the lessons others have been through. Like 'the beautiful mind', learning to leap from mountain top to mountain top, learning the same lessons the past masters did... and thus being that much more able to explore and create and believe in himself.

But but well... some lessons don't need to be repeated. Some journies do not need to be forged on a new path, when well trod paths lined with fruit trees and springs are readily available.

I don't seek, I create. I don't search, I dance, and sing.

Explore. Now I realize that this may seem like seeking, but it isn't. Exploring opens space for divinity to fill us, and surrender that allows magic to awaken. But its here. right now. already.

I feel vibrations within myself, and I pray into them. i open phases of rhythm within my soul and feel them flower, and open me to new possibilities, then these rhythms receed, and I am able to ponder, and intend to reawaken them, or not.

but none of it is elsewhere, to be found. its all right here. its not a big secret.

We can handle what we can handle. if we aren't immediately present with the divinity we know to be possible, then we need to expand our capacities. we don't need to 'find it' we need to become more versatile, more flexible, stronger, more subtle, aware... daring... loving... and thus enable our spirits and souls to dance that much more in the dreams of love we have.

right here.

already.

Gotta humble ourselves
In the heart of Gaia
gotta bend down low

gotta humbole ourselves
in the heart of gaia
gotta learn what she knows

and we shall lift each other up
higher and higher
we shall lift each other up

Yesterday I was sitting with William. William is seven.

We have a very intense connection... I gave him all my childhood OZ books. He has taught me some Yoga moves that none of my 'elder' teachers have been able to pinpoint... 'just flip all the way over in one motion...'

We sat in silence for a bit... then I remembered the excerpts Katia and I read yesterday of Anastasia...

'Hey William, wouldn't it be cool to meditate clearly enough that machine guns melted inside so badly they couldn't be fixed?'

He thought about it for a second. 'how about just the machine guns of people who are attacking other people who aren't doing anything?' he replied.

'we can start there'

He got a big grin on his face.

'Tell the other kids' I said, in an intense whisper that surpised me.

His hands immediately went into a prayer and he closed his eyes.
I could see the energy pouring in and out of his third eye.

His hands came down.

He'd told them.

Right now I need to learn how to be grounded in a deep way. I am on the edge of many breakthroughs, and to integrate them, and be able to share clearly with the world, I need clearer roots that I trust.

I'm kind of like a bird who learned to fly because predators were encrouching from every direction. Now I'm scared to rest. I love flying, but I can't even appreciate it fully because I am still too related to the initial instigations.

I surrender needless maladaptive patterns that inhibit me from sharing my calling, and holding true to the eye of the storm. I release my fears of the deep nature of this path, and embrace the support I need, beyond preconceptions and sans prejudice.

Thank you for witnessing thee prayers.

Love surrounds us, even when we don't believe... Love takes us beyond the boundaries we have set in these incarnations... thus we choose non love when we get too close, and it feels appallingy obvious that our worlds shall fall apart. Love always leads us to the people we most need, even if those people abuse us badly, that we may choose to no longer abuse ourselves.

love takes us further than we want to go, until we learn to say no. Love asks us fifty seven thousand times before giving us the very best, because love knows we'll loose what we were, and may wish to fall back again.

Love drives us, and carries us, pushes us, and ignores, us, and knos us better than anything we may imagine.

Love defies our rules, and understands why we made them much more clearly than we do. Love teases us just enough to remind us that life is bigger than our limits, and then goes back to honoring our limits, even if it leads us to an early grave.

Love shows us what we really need, again, and again, and again, even if we are trying to hide. Love introduces us to our fears on new terms even if we are screaming to never face them.

Love speaks well of us when we are not there, and immediately points out all our faults, so that we may release them. Love holds space beyond words, like the image bigger than our minds imagination. Like the embrace ibgger than our arms can reach. Like the thoughts grander, and smaller, and more acute, and more subtle, than a shallow breathe, in rhythm with a bumble bee.

Love turns into a lake when we want to rest, and begs us to swim. Love turns into the wind when we want to fly, and suggests we shift a little to the left, where the current will take us higher. Love shatters our expectations, and temptations, and implied reified connotations...

because love has a better idea. And suggests we pay attentin.

Synchronicity Gaiads

We are not in our bodies yet.

We have been travelling to them for aeons. Little waves of us have reached, and connected, and continue to gather a deeper sacred love... here.

I speak from deep within my pineal gland, from where I see... myself coming. I called myself here aeons ago, by seeing what I have chosen to become.

A mating of ways, gaiaded by vision, what we have called Inner.

In to it aeon... we enter ourselves, and allow our understanding of self to be alive within our body, for this is what we have chosen to be.

Gaiaded by Loving Synchronicity, we surrender our memory with each life, that we may learn this much more about what it is to be hue man, to live and breathe within Gaia.

Tara

Earth

how many more names have there been, and will there be?

for

US

It is this that I choose to be, by seeing it. In telling you, and asking you to see the visions of my imagination, I ask you to help me be real in these changing tides. And if you should choose to come closer, once upon a time, perhaps we shall learn to dance, and make love.

Please allow our understanding of making love to begin with the simple act of learning how to see, what each of us is choosing to become.

Surrender preconceptions about how and when and what we are, and thus the rules of the rhythms of a dance we began to learn through remote control of these bodies, as we have become the energy of sight that enables angels from distant stars to see through what we have called space, each in their own way, and make love here.

Love that becomes us.

The Love that we are.

And in this collision of ways, pain and rage have ruled. Reverberations, each trying to hold the ocean still. And in thee collisions, we have been innoculated.

An innoculation of love, that has been short.

The past several thousand years of hue-man-ity have been a vast lesson in what not to do.

and the sparks and quiet flames of the new dance have been protected by the klipatch of each race. These husks are what we have called our cultures and religions.

It is to the birthing flame of the dawning way, that I offer my skins of many lifetimes. Please teach me how to surrender, and to stand with grace.

With deep respect for the incredible gift of this life.

Please teach me to stand.

I oce remembered that I had bee very hurt. Its weird rememberig that..., re member ig.

putting back together.

Anyway, i re membered that, ad I felt very very strog. I felt like I could flip cars over. its weird thiking you can flip cars over whe you ca't. Eve if it feels strong ad safe.

The I heard a voice say that I should't ever tell about being hurt, ad that I would feel this powerful all the time if I did't. People would b e afraid of me. they'd do what i said, because i would always have this strong ivicible place i my self to go to, ad they could't get me here.

I went and shared my story, ad cried a lot. ow, i still have a strog safe place to go. Its oly partly like the place used to be. i've had guests ad help cleaig out this invisible plqace. Now, Its still hard to find, but isn't all that bad aymore.

Last  night I woke up to a pitch. It stirred my soul.

I associate it with being watched by angel beings. From years of exploring, the presence of these pitches is a reflection of how, and by whom, I am being observed. A deep part of my soul seems to know how to translate what they say. I always get a monotone rendition.

It keeps me sane. After years of begging to hear the voices, textures, feelings... I realize I simply couldn'nt handle all the information. so I feel the feelings, and I hear the pitches, and I trust the translation.

'your might is bigger than your walk'

now the oddity is how nuanced this statement is. might has several meanings, and 'walk the walk' is a colloquial phrase. so somebody knows english pretty damn well.

Yesterdy I breathed life for the first time in a while. I accept, as much as I know how to, that I do not fit in. I have been almost ten years in struggle, fight against things that seem to invade my psyche. I'm finally getting a hang of what I need. And mostly, I have very simple needs.

Please help me to walk in balance within this changing world, offering exactly what is to share, deeply and well. aligning my thoughts and dreams with this balance, and opening my joy to the incredible gifts I have been given.

oh my goodness pieces after pieces.

I want to assert the twelve chakra set within this seven model. I first found it in 'The ancient secret of the flower of life'. He just puts it out there... and then moves on to other ideas. he says the two sets do not work together. I believe they can... with a minor shift.

how do they fit together? well the same way music does.

in music you are only using seven of twelve notes at a time (in most cases, jazz plays around a bit more).

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, (Do) the last do is the thirteenth note in the twelve, the same note as the first do, but at twice the wavelength.

basically, you take the twelve, and start at any one of them.

Do          Root
skip        pelvis
Re          navel
skip        solar plexus
Mi           heart
Fa           lungs
skip         throat
Sol          chin
skip         nosetip
La           eyebrow
skip         forehead
Ti             top of head
(Do)        above head (return)

Same pattern for every key
start at a different center
same pattern in the chakras

all the white notes on a piano are one 'key' of music - C. They are like the seven chakras (with a little shift).

the black keys expand the set to twelve and EACH of the twelve has their own 'key' based on the above pattern... seven notes... just like the seven chakras.

So the point is, if you follow the same cycle of changes BUT START AT DIFFERENT CHAKRAS, we can share realities but not step on each others toes so to speak.

and in the same vein, the new age movement can all exist within one 'set' but other sets are alive and 'working for other people cultures, even other beings... right here under our awareness.

And like in music, there isn't ONE right way... but there are patterns that work, and patterns that do not work very well.

this approach helps give insight into how, and why, there are so many 'different' systems of chakras. In music, these systems do not compete, they just exist. a Jazz musician will say ' play this rhythm in C major...' or 'play this rhythm in F# minor' they are supposed to know how to play more than one. they may LIKE one key more than another, but it would be silly to say this one is right, and the other isn't even real.

but you CAN say that this or that pattern is 'dissonant'. They almost never play three notes i a row!

But the present new age chakra set DOES play three in a row!
root, pelvis navel

now if you look at the way we use chakras, right now, its kind of like pecking at one note at a time, even holding it for quite a while in meditation. If you played music this way, holding one note for ten minutes, then the next... well it would be hard to 'hear' that anything is off... within this approach, its hard to discover the flow between them.

I'm suggesting, if you look at the pattern I layed out above, that the set we are using IS NOT actually a 'real' set. its just almost a set, it is actually a dissonant set, with an energetic kink, that is meant to keep us pecking, rather than playing music.

because the flow is out of balance... we never get to open the groove, and very little energy will flow... as we begin to learn.

it is like kindergarten, training wheels.

the way to change it? access the chin, turn OFF the second chakra (put it on idle, by intent). then START with the chin!

Do      Chin
skip    nosetip
Re      Eyebrow
skip    forehead
MI      Crown
Fa      Root (startover)
SKIP  PELVIS!
Sol     Navel
skip    solar plexus
La      Heart
skip    lungs
Ti       Throat
DO!

If you 'played' music with the present set... root, PELVIS, navel heart lungs eyebrow crown.... IT WOULD SOUND DISSONANT. that is why we just bumble around and mostly treat them one at a time. If you did that with notes on a piano they'd still make a sound... but if you sped it up... the sound would be 'off'.

The point is to PREVENT kundalini from activating! (while introducing the chakras that can stabilize shushumni flow when the 'students' are ready.)

I'll go all out and say
I am being taught this
mostly at night, woken
and given small lessons

becoming a Gaian Angel

Rivers of frozen love,

Are beginning to move again. they release their frozen echoes of pain and confusion. they steam off the remnants of the reasons they froze... stop the love, we have said, stop the joy, we have pronounced, by going colder and colder to close down the pain of the past, of the present, of a future we do not want to rise.

Sometimes, to stop these pains, we have literally signed away our own life, allowing it all to go duller,

and duller

and duller.

it doesn't have to be this way.

/life doesn't have to loose its luster, its passion. Realy. it isn't a pronouncement by the earth that everything deteriorate, and static passions,  become all there is, the bounce of life isolated between ines in a parking spot of existence. It doesn't have to be this way.

And the warming is, and is not, a choice.

The whole world is quietly telling us to waking up again. Nudging us to start our engines, to feel the fire deep within, and let it dance a litte higher.

and as its flames ick our insides, the steam rises, and the ice glows , and rises, and those pains are released. For freezing everything is only the harshest way to ensure we don't fall again. Another way is to get really good at rising. and falling. the better we fall, the less it hurts.

I want to dance my whole life. I recalaimmy right to elarn foreever. I refuse to choose to join a frozeen stream... when the fow is rebirthing, and is here to be.

It is spring. It is the dawn.