Storms Clearing

The other day we all got in a grand hullubaloo in our home. it was frustrating, and painful, cut deep.  I went into the yoga room to sing. I was feeling horrible, and lots of intense energies were swirling. I focused and sang, a flow based off sinead oconnerss version of 'there is no sacrifice'

I am tired of feeling the energy of sacrificing someone in friendships. of a community identifying the flaws in one person as somehow the cause of lots of other shit, rather than understanding each person as an expression of all of us. of the karma and love and confusion we all face.

I have rarely sang so purely.

then I went out to our cottage shack, and prayed. I was drained, didn't know what to feel, empty. yoga didn't work. I couldn't shift it.

and then it began to rain.

I do not fully understand how I can go from zero energy to running out to dance in the rain, but I did. and it felt more alive than anything I was praying for. perhaps that was the point, I had to pray for something beyond what I was settling for.

rain flowed down my body as thick as showering, it felt amazing. I haven't danced enough lately, and I really needed it.

and I began to sing om namah shivaya.

I danced deeply, and I felt like it was alive enough to call down lightning. I went into it with a full heart, and felt myself saying, well, gaia you'll take me when you choose to... if lightning strikes, that is your choice. and lightning was striking everywhere around... it was beautiful.

and then I lost all the energy. gone, I was done.

often in life I hav lingered in this space, aching to capture and reply and prlong such life. its almost like everything is is bland, save this level of... the real. this time I chose to go with the shift. I went inside.

then katia came. she moved from the big house to ours, and made it right in the door... before the hail began to fall.

hail half an inch accross, so big they pounded my hands off the sill, and crashed down on our roof like rociks. piles of it gathered around our window, around the garden.

in my entire life, I have never seen hail like this.

and it rested, and drissled, and then the sun came out.

I love it when gaia asserts herself.