Loosing...

I have let go of 'everything' on three major occasions by now.

The oomph of this path, going through the loss, soul searching for 'meaning', and recreating, is irreplaceable. The power, the joy, the emotional inspiration for each day of life, shifts from 'things'  and 'positions' which are beyond us, into 'rhythms, skills, patterns within.

I would, at some point in my life, have considered that a 'should'. As in, I 'should' be the kind of person who can let go of everything... in order to be a 'good' person.

Now, I simply know that since loosing all my things, along with the dreams and aspirations that were woven with them.... that I am literally more free.

I am only recently awakening from the shell shock of all that loss, and accepting that it hurt. A lot.

Its odd, awakening from hurt, to feel joy, somehow reveals that hurt was hurt. That can 'hurt' more in some ways, feeling, awakening from the numbness.

It is amazing, I've been telling myself that I AM someone, again and again, to all who'll hear, as a way of justifying all the loss. All I have to do is admit that I haven't really been this person... and I recognize that I am becoming this person : )

And it has been worth it.

Now, my challenge is to learn to care about creatina a life worth living, with some grounding. A life that honors the choices I've made to release such, and thus, a life that has the courage to embrace the same patterns and cares that once suffocated me.To care deeply for the home I live in, the patterns of material life... while knowing they will transform.

I'd really prefer to natruallyl anticipate when it is time to change , and to do so with grace!